Author: G.I. Joe

Knowing is half the battle...
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Reptilian Signs

Scene: “Swing Away — Site and Sword”

INT. XCOM COMMAND BUNKER – NIGHT.
The bunker hums with machinery and red alert lights. A Chupacabra head lies decapitated on a steel table. The Fusion Sword hums faintly, casting plasma-blue light across the walls.

FIELD MARSHAL JOE JUKIC stands tall, handing the sword to MEL GIBSON, who’s now in full XCOM ranger gear.

JOE:
This blade was forged from a Draconis skimmer. It slices scales, armor, cloaks… hell, it slices bureaucracy too.

MEL (taking the sword, swinging it experimentally):
Not bad… reminds me of Signs. Never thought I’d be in the sequel.

JOE (grinning):
This is no movie, Ranger. This is real. The Chupacabras are breeding underground, and you’re the first line of defense.

MEL (pauses, holding the sword steady, then smirks):
You know, Joe… that melgibson.site you set up for me… it’s growing on me.

JOE (raising an eyebrow):
Really? Even after all my warnings about bots and AI infiltration?

MEL:
Yeah. It’s like… my own little digital church. Might as well post my adventures — slaying aliens and hunting goat-suckers.

JOE (handing him the Fusion Sword fully):
Then it’s official. Ranger Gibson… welcome to the front lines. Swing away.

MEL (gripping the sword, eyes narrowing at the dark corridor ahead):
With pleasure. And maybe later, we’ll post a blog about it. XCOM Ranger’s Guide to Chupacabras.

JOE:
As long as you include a screenshot of the decapitated head. Nobody will believe it otherwise.

(Mel swings the Fusion Sword once, slicing the air with a glowing hum. The Chupacabra head twitches one last time, then dissolves into ash. The melgibson.site logo flashes on a monitor in the background.)

FADE OUT.

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We Don’t Need Another Hero

Setting: A crowded press conference at a climate summit. Joe Jukic and Mel Gibson are on stage, promoting a new, high-budget environmental action film where they play heroes who single-handedly save the planet. Greta Thunberg stands from the audience, taking the microphone during the Q&A.

Moderator: …and that’s the power of storytelling! We now have time for a few questions. Yes, the young woman in the back.

Greta: (Takes the microphone, her voice calm but sharp as flint) Thank you. This isn’t a question. It’s a statement.

Joe Jukic offers a charming, practiced smile. Mel Gibson leans in, intrigued.

Greta: You stand here, in your costumes paid for by a studio, promoting a fantasy. You talk about “saving the world” as if it’s a mission for a lone hero. A mission that ends when the credits roll and you collect your paycheck.

Joe Jukic: Now, hold on. The film’s message is about awareness. It’s about inspiring people to—

Greta: To do what? To wait for a hero? To consume your product and feel like they’ve done their part? We are not an audience for your spectacle. We are not characters in your movie.

She gestures to the young activists standing with her.

Greta: My generation… we are not the future. We are the last generation. We are the ones you have left behind. You left us with a planet on fire, with ecosystems collapsing, and you offer us… a movie? With explosions and one-liners?

Mel Gibson: (Leaning into his microphone, a gruff edge in his voice) Young lady, stories have power. They stir the heart. They—

Greta: We don’t need another bogus action hero! We don’t need your stirred hearts. We need you to stop lying. We need you to stop pretending.

Her voice rises, not in anger, but in fierce, unyielding clarity.

Greta: The real action isn’t on a screen. It’s in the ground. It’s in the oceans. It’s in the air you are still polluting to fly here today. We don’t need your awareness. We are acutely, painfully aware. What we demand is what you have the power and resources to actually do, but lack the courage.

Joe Jukic: And what is that?

Greta: Rewilding. Not as a plot point. Not as a CGI backdrop for your chase scenes. ACTION. NOW. Divest from destruction. Invest in restoration. Use your incredible influence not to play a hero for two hours, but to pressure the systems you are a part of to stop funding our extinction.

The room is silent. The camera flashes have stopped.

Greta: You want to be heroes? Then be real. Stop acting. The world doesn’t need a performance. It needs a lifeline. And we are the ones holding the other end, waiting to see if you will finally, actually, take it.

She places the microphone on the chair in front of her and turns, walking out of the press conference, followed by her peers. The silence she leaves behind is louder than any explosion in their film.

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Mel’s Internet Shepherd

Joe Jukic: [typing furiously on a laptop] Mel, I’ve got your back—and your site’s back. I can clone it, tweak it for Caviezel, and open-source the whole thing. No Illuminati backdoors, I swear.

Mel Gibson: [squinting] You’re telling me you work for free to stop Bavarian Illuminati “accidents,” no paycheck? And you’re out here redistributing my digital soul like it’s GNU/Linux?

Joe Jukic: Exactly. Information wants to be free, Mel. Just like your seed. Speaking of which—ever tried pomegranate? Deniro and Pacino swear by it. You could father a whole new Crusade. You shall know me by my fruits.

Mel Gibson: [pauses, stroking his beard] …Are we still talking about websites?

Joe Jukic: [grinning] Depends. Do you want the Illuminati to own your legacy? Or do you want to outbreed, outcode, and outmaneuver them?

Mel Gibson: [grabs a pomegranate] …Clone the damn site.